Scary Steps

Mountains of paperwork surround me right now. Paperwork of all kinds.

The paperwork is full of scary steps, decisions and a career path I’ll settle into for the rest of my working years.

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I thought I had it figured out at 35. Sometimes you realize you’re just beginning the journey.

I’m surrounded by graduate school rejection letters, graduate school welcome letters, a masters program entrance paper that was due last week, student essays to grade, kids homework, recipes to try, bills to pay, and mountains of paperwork to fill out that determine the future.

It’s overwhelming, it’s surreal and I’m not quite sure what to do with everything life is handing at me. Or throwing at me. Not sure which one on any particular day.

Everyday I wake up and try to paste a smile on my face, be the family rock and get through the day. I work, I get home and go through the motions of the day. Homework with the kids, dinner, bedtime routine. And then when the kids go to bed I try to grade papers, answer emails and get ready for the next day. I end up in bed, covers over my head asleep within minutes. It’s too much right now.

The mountains of paperwork, the emails, work and kids will always be ready to greet me in the morning. 4am comes early.


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