I eluded to the fact on Monday that life has taken a drastic turn this past year. And while I may never talk about it here on the website, I will say that I've learned a lot and couldn't and shouldn't end the year without a thanks.
I am not grateful for the endless papers, projects and practicums that have ruled over my spare seconds but I actually like school now that I get a few weeks off. When we fast forward a few weeks and I remember WHY I don't like school again remind me of this day when I could see the big picture and the goal I was accomplishing. It was probably because I had been getting sleep again too. I'm also grateful for the professors and my cohorts who have been so patient with me through important dates and events happening outside of school.
Work sometimes has felt like the furthest thing on my mind but I still give it my all when I'm there. I'm grateful to have two part time jobs and I have to say all the funny antics my elementary kids pull on a daily basis keeps me going through the tougher days. I'm grateful for my coworkers who have listened and been there for me this past year.
Friends and Framily
When the kids are away, it's tough. I feel like all I do is work, clean, school work, clean. So when they're away I'm grateful for my friends and framily who call me up and make me get out of my yoga pants, bun and no makeup ensemble to actually throw on clothes, makeup and get out. I'm grateful for the friends who have opened their homes to me and for those who have listened to me and offered advice and kleenex. Okay, maybe not kleenex but there was that ONE time I was staring at a friend trying to cry (I rarely cry)...and I was mad that they were trying to get me to cry and I ended up laughing so hard from trying that I finally cried. I am grateful laughter finally brought the tears out. But through this my friends and good friends I consider like family have been my rock. I am so grateful for them and for two very special friends who have kept me sane this past year.
Okay, here come the tears! This past year I've seen my kids have a strength as a parent you know they possess but seeing it in action has been a totally different thing. My kids are absolutely amazing and through all of the hardships we've faced over the past year the kids have been absolutely incredibly strong. They've given me a reason to get up everyday and keep working towards my goals. I've seen them experience the deepest of hurts, challenges with friends, struggle to come to terms with changing family dynamics and through it all they've had their moments but seem to continue to be moving forward. I won't ever stop worrying about them or loving them or missing them like crazy when they aren't near. And I keep hoping that they will continue to thrive through all of this.
My family has been so amazing. I am grateful to my mom and inlaws who have stayed neutral through all of this. While they may not ever know or understand all of the reasons for the decisions I have had to make, I am grateful they have focused on the kids first. I am grateful for my mom and the help she has provided...often giving the kids what little she has so they can stay in sports or lessons that I struggle to continue to pay for.
I struggle at times with the decisions I've had to make. I like to make calculated, well thought out decisions where I've had time to think about it. It's probably why there is so much in my house that has NOT been fixed. Spending $100? What about the fifty million other possibilities of things that might happen with that $100??
So to have to pull the trigger, trust my gut and just make a decision spontaneously has been so hard for me. To just trust people and professionals put in my path to help me is HARD. I don't like to do it. It's uncomfortable and I haven't had time to over analyze my decision to death. It's uncomfortable. But I have to say that even though things are tough and hard and I'm not sure how I'm going to make it month to month somehow I can stand proud. Something that I can say that I did on my own. I've made it farther this year than I thought I ever would. I've done that. But I couldn't have done it without the support of professors, friends, cohorts, counselors, coworkers, framily, my children, my family and religious leaders who have pulled me through this. And while this year will bring another year of uncertainty, I couldn't say that I myself have done everything. I, myself am only one person. It takes an army beside me to face, rule and conquer those hardships and twists and turns in life.