I've largely kept a lot of my private life off of this blog even though there is a lot that might be helpful to share. I think it's been out of protection, for the kids and myself. To have everything you've known and loved ripped out from underneath you definitely caused me to hold more in...trying to protect anything and everything that was sacred to me that someone couldn't take away.
I've never looked back at those days of going through the divorce and then my exes death with bitterness, only as a learning experience and one of the greatest tests I've gone through. To have yourself so exposed and raw and then to rebuild slowly piece by piece again is one of the most humbling experiences to go through. Those moments I didn't think I would make it another day made me grateful for the seconds I was still moving forward. I am grateful for the lessons that I learned and I think those lessons have helped allow me to move forward to where I am today.
While there is a little fear and apprehension for the future, I'm also excited for the future and what it holds for the kids and I.
In a few short weeks my partner and I will be together at the altar surrounded by our closest loved ones. This man has stood silently in the background for the last couple of years. We have made it through so much--divorce, death, rumors and the hints of blending a family. Together we've established that we are the calm for our kids. And now the hardest work will start but I'm grateful that I get to be beside him. We aren't perfect, but together it just seems to work. There are so many opportunities he's had to say that it is too much, (heaven knows there are times it is too much for me!) but he keeps choosing US and I keep choosing him. I am so grateful for him and the love that he has for the kids and I. I know that we had to go through so much so we could be together. While there are moments that fear and worry try to hold me back, there is something that keeps propelling me forward. Thank you for your patience with the kids and I and thank you for loving me. I love you!